Jihad's Funniest Bloopers

Helmet Hair'd Announcer: And now, the host of Jihad's Funniest Bloopers, Bob Saget!

*wild applause from audience whipped into a frenzy by a 20-year old production assistant*

Bob: Welcome to Jihad's Funniest Bloopers! I'm your host, Bob Saget, and the next person to point out my initials are B.S. will be taken out and shot.

*laughter*

Bob: Our first video is sent in by this comic duo. Well, sent in by their next of kin, actually. As you'll see, their act...bombed.

*groans from audience*

Two terrorists were killed in Samarra early in the evening Jan. 9 when an IED they were attempting to emplace detonated prematurely.

Bob: These joyriders found out the hard way that you don't tug on Superman's cape.

A civilian vehicle approached the Soldiers’ patrol and began to fire at the troops with AK-47s. The Soldiers returned fire, killing both attackers and disabling the vehicle.

Bob: We say it every show, don't try these stunts at home. These boys learn that driving like the Dukes of Hazzard can lead to a "Doozy Duke" of a headache.

*giggles and groans*

Several hours later, a second vehicle tried to run through the checkpoint and was fired at by the Soldiers. The driver was killed in the initial burst of fire and the vehicle came to a quick stop. Two men with AK-47 assault rifles climbed out and were engaged as they attempted to flee.

One of the gunmen successfully evaded capture, but the other was wounded and quickly surrounded. As the Soldiers approached the wounded man, they noticed he was wearing what appeared to be an explosive laden suicide belt.

Soldiers guarded the man until an EOD team arrived and removed the belt, which contained more than three pounds of plastic explosives.

The failed bomber was treated for his wounds and detained.

Bob: These guys got a new mortar for Christmas, but didn't read the instructions.

Police in Samarra responded to an explosion and discovered the bodies of three unidentified men. The men were attempting to fire an 82-mm mortar at an unknown target when the round detonated prematurely. A fourth terrorist was taken to a local medical facility, but died from his injuries while attempting to escape.

Bob: These cats landed on their feet. But given the number of pieces they were blown into, they also landed on their hands, elbows, knees, spleens...

*mock expressions of horror and giggles*

One terrorist was killed and another severely injured when the improvised explosive device they were attempting to emplace detonated prematurely. The incident occurred Dec. 19, near the city of Tikrit.

Bob: We get lots of videos of workplace accidents. This guy is going to feel it in the morning.

Near the eastern city of As Sadiyah, another terrorist found himself on the receiving end of his own bomb when the IED he was attempting to emplace detonated prematurely. The bomber was killed by the blast.

Bob: I hate it when my car won't start, but after watching this next one, I won't complain anymore.

Task Force Baghdad dispatched elements to the scene where two terrorists attempting to build a car bomb were killed when the device prematurely detonated in central Baghdad Nov. 2.

Bob: And that's our show, ladies and gentlemen. If you think the increasing frequency of terrorists accidentally killing themselves or conducting futile attacks means the bad guys are losing experienced personnel and are having to field ill-trained rookies, and that this is an indication of the success the Coalition Forces are having in Iraq, then you must not be a Democrat or a member of the MSM.

Good night, and we'll see you next time on Jihad's Funniest Bloopers!

*applause, and credits roll*

update: a recent video plays over the credits...

A terrorist bomber was killed Jan. 12 near Tal Afar when the IED he was emplacing detonated prematurely.

Soldiers from the 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment discovered the bomber's body and part of a shovel near a roadside blast crater.