24 Day 5 5:00 PM - 7:00 PM

That graphic violence warning is welded to the camera film. The entire episode could be the gals of CTU sitting around sipping tea, and they'd put in the graphic violence warning.

Tony must have a larval Goa'uld in him. Amazing recuperative powers, even better than Jack's. He's been conscious for 20 minutes. Not bad for a guy who was nearly blowed up, and recovering from surgery. The Doc doesn't want to tell him just yet about Michelle. It might send his blood pressure to the moon.

So, Bill goes in and tap dances around Michelle's fate. He says "Tony, we need you to get better." Why? Tony doesn't work at CTU anymore.

Back amidst the smoldering remains of the Suvarov motorcade, Martha rats out Logan to Aaron, who can't quite believe even if a dishrag like Logan would knowingly allow something like that to happen.

We check in with Terrorist HQ. Bad guys are still soldering. Perhaps they're taking some down time to finish up their ashtrays for shop class.

We check in with Twisted Sister and Boyfriend Dwayne. I'll be danged, Boyfriend is going to sell Samwise's key card to the terrorists.

*SCCCRREEEECCCCCHHH*

Now let's just stop right here, shall we. Was this the reason for luring Lynn out to the parking lot? Was Boyfriend in contact with these terrorists before, and they're using him to get the key card? Or, did Boyfriend somehow contact the terrorists after he discovered he had the key card, and if so, how did he know who to contact? We're not told any of this.

Remember, the original plan was to take all these gas canisters and put them on a ship bound for Central Asia. The terrorists were going to use them against the Russkies. The terrorists were aided by PATRIOTS in the US like Walt, who really wanted to use the gas against the terrorists themselves, as some sort of lame pretext to get troops in Central Asia and something about oil yadda yadda.

So, if that was the original plan, when did this plan to use Boyfriend to obtain the key card get hatched?!? And the whole plan hinged on requiring Lynn to come alone with his key card? What if he brought security, or didn't have his key card?

I fear we will never know. So back to our regularly scheduled rant.

Chloe, being a master hacker, and so really should have had no need for Spenser Wolff-ff-ff on the assault on Rossler, has hacked into Henderson's home computer. (If this show teaches you nothing else, kids, don't put sensitive information on a computer that has an Internet connection to the outside world!)

Chloe distinctly says Henderson's computer has been "wiped." BUT, then why is there still an operating system on this thing capable of running a network connection? AND, why is this computer still exchanging data with something? Was there some data that was not wiped? Did the wiper do a poor job?

Buckaroo lives at 5714 Tarawood Drive, Toluca Lake. (There is a Toluca Lake just on the north side of the Santa Monica Mts.) Jack says he needs to go there. Bill wants to send a tac team. But, Jack says Henderson is too good, he'll detect the team. Jack says Henderson thinks he's dead, so Jack could probably walk right up to his front door. Um, question? If Henderson is so good he'd detect a tac team in the area, how would he miss Jack Bauer coming up his front sidewalk? I'm just asking.

Buckaroo makes a call to Banco Buenos Aires, he wants to access his box.

CTU discovers one of the dead terrorists at the scene of the motorcade attack had some kind of building schematic on him. Now there's some poor operational security. Why are the baddies sending that kind of info along with some gunman on a shoot 'em up mission?

Back at CTU Medical, Tony unplugs himself and arises. He takes off his bandage and looks in the mirror. I guess it takes more than a fiery explosion only a few feet away to keep Tony down for more than a couple hours. He just might be the first patient in CTU Medical history that has actually gotten better.

Tony uses a CTU computer to find out Michelle is DECEASED. How is Tony able to use the computer? Again, he doesn't work there. He shouldn't have any working access to computers there anymore.

He takes the news a bit hard. The doc comes in. We don't hear anything, but the krazy kaptions say "Two ccs of Ativan." (It's used to relieve anxiety.)

(In unrelated news, Minnesota Twins great Kirby Puckett died yesterday from a stroke. The local FOX station was scrolling the news about Puckett's death across the screen during this episode, and in a strange coincidence, as the doc and some nurse were trying to get Tony back to bed, the words "He died in a hospital" scrolled across the screen.)

Going into the first commercial break, the clocks are at :12 to :12. I know we're about to jump to a parallel universe, and indeed, coming back, the clocks are at :17 to :15. The Strangers have used the gap between the universes to slip into our reality.

The motorcade survivors return to the presidential retreat. Logan greets them like a whipped puppy. Martha is not impressed with his cravenliness. "You didn't stand up to them," she says.

Bill goes in to visit Lynn, who is stewing in some locked room. He wants to talk to Twisted Sister. This time, Twister Sister answers the phone, and Lynn says he needs the card, it lets him in and out of the building. (So I'll ask again, how did Lynn get back into CTU when he lost his card?) Jenny Jenny hangs up, but wants to give the card back, she doesn't think they'll need it. But Boyfriend says they're going to get $20,000 for it.

As we've seen plenty of times before, nobody knows more about internal building structures in LA than CTU. They have already matched the schematic off the dead guy to Tyler Memorial Hospital in Westwood. There was also a time indicated on the schematic, so CTU thinks another gas attack is imminent.

And so we helpfully cut to the hospital where a baddie is in hospital whites, pushing a gas cylinder-laden gurney around.

So, another good point to stop and ask just what was the original plan here? Did the baddies have these hospital whites and fake photo id all ready to go for this guy? When did they get ahold of these hospital schematics, showing the air ventilation system? Was all this thrown together immediately after Anton and his Merry Men were killed at the airport?

The clocks are at :29 to :27 as Jack sneaks up to House Henderson. In the split screen as we return from commercial break, in the Terrorist HQ they are looking at a fancy colored graphic of the hospital schematics. Again, was this graphic quickly created in the last few hours? This is the most amazing backup plan in the history of backup plans.

Jack goes into the house and pulls a gun on Miriam, wanting to know where Buckaroo is.

Martha has a tender moment with Aaron, says thank you for saving her life, and takes his hand. Mike comes in, and apparently thinking that no human being ever touches another human being's hand unless they are adulterous floozies, hisses at Aaron to make sure nothing never doesn't not happen again for the first time. Or something like that.

The hospital is trying to evacuate everybody. Not an easy task with sick people. Hospital Security Guy says they can't move some newborns. CTU asks if other hospitals can help, but apparently all neonatal transport units are in use. Really? Are there so many babies in LA that need transporting in special units, day in and day out?

Viktor phones in and warns Sgt Bierko that the hospital is being cleared. Sgt. Bierko says he must finish the mission, even if it mean Viktor dies a horrible foamy nose bleedy mouth death. Viktor agrees. He knew the risks when he signed up with Team Terrorist. He's not sure how he can get down to the basement though. Bierko consults their professionally done slapped together at the last minute graphic, and mentions an electrical conduit.

The Russkies have given CTU intelligence indicating that Sgt Bierko is probably behind the terrorist attacks. Nice of them to give that up now, and not back during the airport fiasco. Logan again chimes in with the obvious and blathers on about the need to do something.

Chloe is looking through Henderson's "wiped" computer and says there is bill paying software and downloaded music. So what exactly was wiped?? Gaahh! Chloe does find a hidden partition, and it contains a password encrypted file. Miriam doesn't know the password. Or isn't saying.

Apparently the Hendersons looked in on Kim while Jack was away being dead.

At the hospital, they detect the bad guy in the basement. How did he get down there?! They said they had that sealed off. Was that the purpose of the electrical conduit information? Just how big is this conduit? Did Viktor slide down it into the basement carrying this ginormous gurney and the gas cylinder? My head hurts.

Curtis orders Team B to set up a soft perimeter. Does CTU ever set up any other kind?

They all go a-creeping through the basement, and find the baddie. Curtis shoots him. Whatever happened to aiming for the legs or something so the guy stays alive and you can interrogate him for crucial information? Curtis orders his team to search the body.

They find the canister. Curtis says it is armed. (The krazy kaptions say it is "on")

CTU wants a mandatory evacuation of the downtown core. Oh that is going to go smoothly.

Buckaroo arrives home and Jack clonks him. Jack has Henderson handcuff himself behind the back? I'm trying to figure how that's done. Is that even possible?

Jack now wants Buckaroo to give up what he knows about the gas. Henderson says he can't do that. Jack points the gun at Henderson's knee, and Henderson says yeah, just like I taught you, Jack. (Ah, a nod to the beginning of last season, when Jack shot that Turkish terrorist in the knee to get him to talk.)

Gracious! Jack shoots Miriam in the leg! Cold, Jack. Look, I know she didn't give you the password you wanted, but she's been sitting quietly on the couch like you asked. Did you have to shoot the poor woman?

Peter Weller's reaction is some good acting. Can you imagine, say, Keanu Reeves' reaction? "You shot my wife. Whoa." But, Henderson still isn't talking. He says he can't.

So, Jack orders to prep an interrogation room with hypocine-pentothal. Goody! We're finally to get some torture on this show! About time.

A guard comes up to Jack and shows him the red digital readout device they found on the dead guy. Oh great work guy. Curtis told you to search him ten minutes ago! It took you this long to find the thing?

The gas is about to be released, so Curtis does his Ben Him act, grabs the canisters, jumps in his chariot and goes weaving through the hospital and crowds and tosses the canisters in a containment device just in time. Hooray! The hospital is saved. I wonder what the Medicare charge code is for that sort of thing.

As the episode comes to a close, a terrorist has Twisted Sister and Boyfriend on their knees, and he shoots them both in the back of the head. Cold.

The clocks are at :60 to :57.

And, we immediately go into the next hour. For the ADD demographic, we get a recap on what we just saw.

The terrorist now in possession of Lynn's key card has a fancy device to reprogram it. Again, where did this come from? Why did they baddies have it at all, if the plan was to ship the gas to Central Asia? Did they just run down to the local Radio Shack in the last few hours and pick one up?

Kim! Hey, Kim finally arrives at CTU, with some strange guy in tow. Audrey calls Jack and tells him Kim has arrived. Jack agrees that Audrey should prepare her with the news that Jack is alive. Audrey says thank you and hangs up. Uh, how did she know the conversation was over? Isn't it customary to say good-bye or something?

On the way back to CTU to get tortured, Henderson says he and Miriam looked after Kim while Jack was dead. Apparently Chase left her, and she hit bottom. (I'm sure Chase still was a little ticked off at Jack for chopping off his arm.)

Kim's new loser boyfriend's name is Barry Landes. I don't like him already.

Audrey wants to speak to Kim in private, Barry is a dinkus maximus and wants to stay. Audrey tells Kim the shocking news, and she remains silent.

At the presidential retreat, we meet the Vice President. Oh no, it's BOB! Oh, nothing good can come of this. And indeed, BOB immediately sets about putting some kind of evil plan in action. The martial laws are not what they seem.

Logan, is so easily swayed by anything he hears, immediately agrees to implement BOB's plan. In a fitting way, it's up to MIKE to thwart BOB's plan.

One of the most interesting things about 24 is the way they transition between night and day. It's about 6:11, and the sun is almost down. We see some nice shots of the setting sun and Jack in the same frame.

The baddie with Lynn's key card goes right through security with it. That's it? On a day when terrorists are attacking, you can waltz right into the heart of CTU with one swipe of the key card? Don't have to have a scheduled appt, an armed escort, nothing?

The clocks in this second hour are now at :17 to :16. Our universe is trying to hang in there.

(During the first commercial break, I quick checked the computer and glanced at the logs for my blog. There was a hit from someone searching on "Did Edgar die from nerve gas". I'm thinking okay, I guess I know how this episode ends. (I had taped the two episodes and was watching them later in the evening.))

Jack and Kim have their much anticipated scene. They did it very well. Paul has said before, and I have too, that the acting in the show is one of the show's greatest strengths. It definitely shows in scenes like this.

Barry butts in again. I really really don't like this guy. Jack explains he couldn't tell her, to protect her. Which makes me wonder though. How did the bad guys know for sure Jack never told Kim? Did they ask her?

Now the baddie with Lynn's key card has a schematic of CTU! Goodness, where did he get that? And again, was this part of the hastily thrown together backup plan? Imagine what the baddies could've done if they had taken months to plan this particular backup operation, instead of about two hours!

Audrey reveals that Dinkus Maximus is a clinical psychologist, and could've been Kim's doctor. eeew. A number of ethics were probably violated there.

Jack is getting all set to torture Buckaroo. Jack is still just a provisional agent. Shouldn't Bill, the ranking officer, be on hand to direct this torture?

The clocks are at :32 to :31. Martha is out having a puff at the presidential retreat. It's already completely dark! From not quite sundown to dark in 20 minutes? Not even a twilight?

Mike is there, he really is trying to stop BOB from influencing Logan. But Logan is already caught in the darkness of futures past, chanting between two worlds "What do I do?" Mike longs to see if Martha can be a magician and pull Logan back from the Black Lodge.

Gaaah! The baddie inside CTU has a program to control CTU's ventilation system! Where did this come from? Where? Where? This was not part of the original plan! In jiggering with it, Sweet Carrie realizes something is amiss and goes to investigate. The baddie kills her. Aw, and she was just reinstated too, after getting fired by Lynn.

He plugs what looks like a USB cable into a device on his gas canister. Now I wish I had paid closer attention earlier. How did the bad guy get this CANISTER OF NERVE GAS through security?!? No bags were searched or x-ray'd? Oh, right, this is CTU security we're talking about. No need for higher levels of security on a day when terrorists are attacking. I'm going to weep.

Martha and Logan Has the Runs have a tender moment. Logan asks "Can you forgive me?" He calls her "Marty", but the krazy kaptions say "Martha."

There is a commercial break with a looooooooong trailer for the upcoming X Men movie. The clocks are at :43 to :41.

Kim, a complete civilian, goes a-wandering through the heart of CTU with all that sensitive classified information on terminal screens. She chats with Chloe about Jack. But how did Kim know that Chloe knew Jack was alive?

Chloe is a little abrupt with Kim, and tells her to cut Jack some slack. Ya know, oddly enough, I think we're all with Chloe on this one.

Bill goes in to see Lynn, and gives him the bad news that Twisted Sister is dead. Lynn blurts out that he just saw her today. (Bill apparently is no detective, because he lets this very important comment just slide by. Perhaps he might have wondered when Lynn saw her, given they're in the middle of a terrorist crisis, and they already know about two moles in the persons of Walt and Spenser Wolff-ff-ff.)

Lynn finally admits he lost his key card. Bill asks why he didn't report it. Samwise says "I'm reporting it now."

CTU figures out Lynn's key card was used, and goes to Red Alert. Chloe, in another of her endearing snarky wise cracks, says to Bill "Isn't Lynn there with you?" (Don't they have video of the entrances they could check and see who used Lynn's card?)

CTU Security starts going from room to room. But, how do they know who they're looking for? They haven't figured out who used the card and what he looks like yet. Maybe the Red Shirts think they are looking for Lynn, and will shoot him on sight.

The baddie goes creeping through miles of deserted CTU hallways. Goodness, this building is like the TARDIS inside. Jack goes after him. He finds a Red Shirt that the baddie killed, and realizes the baddie has a CTU radio, and will hear their communication.

So, Jack gives info Bill knows is clearly wrong, but Jack holds up an open palm to the camera. Apparently that is a CTU signal for "play along with my fakey talk", like last year Jack's 5-0 hand signal to the SecDef was a sign for "fall over backward in your chair".

Jack gets the drop on the completely fooled bad guy, and Jack utters one of his all time favorite lines. "Drop the gun, now!" The baddie fails to comply with the clear instructions, and ends up dead as a result.

CTU realizes they need to evacuate the building, and Bill orders a "Code Six." The words haven't even left his lips, and a big "E" sign appears on everybody's terminals. Now that's a quick response to Bill's order.

The nerve gas is released, and CTU quickly determines what rooms they can get into and lock down. In the midst of all this, Edgar goes to look for Carrie. He eventually finds her dead.

Some make it into the safe rooms. (Great, Kim's boyfriend makes it into the conference room with the principals. At least this way, CTU can continue to have their endless conferences. I don't quite see where Lynn ends up.)

We have the obligatory "Open the door" scenes, as people are trapped outside. ("No matter what you hear in there, no matter how cruelly I beg you, no matter how terribly I may scream, do not open this door or you will undo everything I have worked for. Do you understand? Do not open this door.")

Jack tells everyone to remain calm, as they can't do anything for their colleagues trapped outside.

But at this moment, Edgar comes trotting into view. It really is a sad scene. The people in the room react in horror. Chloe especially has a deeply moving reaction.

(But why do they care so much about Edgar, and all the other coworkers dropping around them merit only a "remain calm"?)

Edgar succumbs to the nerve gas, and is certainly dead, as the clock moves to the top of the hour, but silently without a ticking sound. This was first done at the end of the first season to highlight Teri's tragic death.

Farewell, Gentle Edgar.

(The previews for next week indicate CTU lost 40% of its people. I haven't made mention of Edgar's expanded girth this season, so my one joke will be this. Perhaps by 40% of CTU they meant Edgar all by himself.)

And now, once again, here is guest critic Paul Foth. He forget the password to a file on his wiped computer, interrogated himself, and tried to make himself talk by shooting himself in the knee. Luckily CTU got him patched up in no time and he was able to bang out this review.)

Farewell, Edgar; we hardly knew ye.

Was the big lug's demise the "biggest surprise of all" that last week's previews told us about? I can't say that it was much of one, really. The show has made a habit of killing its principals (and principles), so the surprises often involve not who dies, but under what circumstances.

Now, obviously, we're supposed to feel shock and sadness at seeing Edgar go, and there is some. But the emotional impact generated by Louis Lombardi and Mary Lynn Rajskub's performances is overshadowed by the complete and utter stupidity in the way his death came about:

1a) Samwise took CTU over that morning. How did Bierko (or Henderson, or whomever either of these two is working with or for) know that was going to happen? Or does everyone at CTU have a junkie brother or sister or niece or nephew or pet, whom the bad guys control, so that Operation Key Card could be put into play whenever necessary? If it hadn't been Samwise, would Bilbo Cannon's jittery second cousin have called? How would the terrorists finance such an extensive network of thugs?

1b) It's barely possible that the stupid boyfriend wasn't connected to the terrorists, but if that's the case, the coincidence that he just happens offer to sell the key card to Bierko's guy is just a mite too big for suspending disbelief (in the same way that Mount Everest is a little bigger than an ant hill).

2) The original plan was to use the nerve gas on Moscow, not Los Angeles, not CTU HQ. And yet Operation Key Card was launched BEFORE Bierko decided to unleash the gas stateside. Had he really thought up the hit on CTU HQ as a contingency plan and put it into play before he knew he'd even need it? Again, how do you finance such an elaborate scheme?

3) How did Samwise get back into CTU HQ after his key card was stolen? Presumably, he used it to get into the building that morning. Wouldn't the "guard" who let him in later in the day have been the least bit suspicious why he no longer had it? Did he just shout, "I'm the head of CTU! I don't need no steenking key card!"? Sorry; thanks for playing. If that doesn't work at the Science Museum of Minnesota (which it doesn't), it's not going to work at the nation's premiere counterterrorist organization (try to ignore the irony of that phrase). Instead, we get security that compares unfavorably to that of the nearest Kwik Mart.

4) How did John Voight use Samwise's key card to get in? It seems like all he did was change the picture on it, because when Chloe checked to see if Samwise's card had been used in the last four hours, it came up right away. Why didn't the card register as Samwise's at the "guard" station? Did the maroon think Samwise had just gotten a makeover from the Queer Eye guys?

What a steaming pile of horse dooky. I'm thinking it may have been better for the country had the nerve gas killed everyone at CTU, leaving Handsome Curtis as its only remaining employee. He could keep secrets from himself, then torture himself to get them.

Torture, torture, torture! I guess the CTU interrogators were feeling so useless the first few hours of the season that when Henderson arrived they wanted to make up for spending most of the day twiddling their thumbscrews. The writers have really set up a challenge for themselves. Henderson pretty much said that what he knows could spark a lectroid invasion of Earth if the knowledge falls into the wrong hands. When he eventually comes round to spilling it, it had better live up to the billing. I really, truly hope the writers knew what the knowledge is weeks ago, that they're not wringing their hands right now, trying to come up with something. Remember, they didn't turn Nina into a mole until well into the first season (which is entirely different from revealing her molehood to the audience until well into the season). They didn't know Marwan would stick around for so long last season; they just kept shoehorning in one escape after another as the actor was hired for more and more episodes. The show suffered greatly for this lack of planning. I hope they've learned from it.

I suppose they could kill Henderson before he tells what he knows, but someone else with the same knowledge would have to show up right quick or the sound of bricks being thrown through television screens will be heard throughout the land.

Meanwhile, over at White House West, we find out that the Vice President is none other than Leland Palmer! (For those of you folks who don't get the reference, Ray Wise played Leland Palmer in Twin Peaks. Leland was possessed by the scariest entity on television EVER, a being known only as BOB.) True to form, he's completely psychotic. I laughed out loud when his, "We just won't call it martial law" line was followed immediately by, "Let's not play semantics." Um, but, that's, uh, what you're doing, isn't it? And of course Shakes caves in. If Leland and Martha start duking it out with Shakes in the middle, we may see the first presidential suicide on television (I think it'd be the first, anyway; please correct me if I'm wrong.). And a word to the wise: if Leland suddenly turns into a guy with long, stringy gray hair and three days' worth of beard, move to Europe, because North America will be beyond help.

Could Leland be the other mole high in the government we heard about a few episodes back? It certainly seems like he could be, which may very well mean that he's not. Me, I'm a bit suspicious about Mike, and have been ever since he made the transition from one administration to the next with nary a ripple caused in either political party. What really did it, though, was the way he dropped the hammer on Aaron for holding Martha's hand. Good grief, the guy just saved the First Lady's life. Aren't they allowed the slightest human contact in the wake of that? Yes, it was obvious she was also hitting on him, but Mike made it look like he'd caught the two of them tumbling in the sheets. Maybe Mike has the hots for her and at some point we'll hear him give either an "I did it all for you!" or "If I can't have you, no one will!" speech, or--if we're doomed to one of the deeper circles--both.

I'm still pondering Kim's reaction to finding out Jack is still alive. I think that for the most part it was a wise decision to have her underplay it. There was a lot going on in her eyes, but that was about it. Her shock was the greatest of all the people who've found out about him, so it'll be a while before she can emotionally connect to the fact that her dad is still around.

The production team could not have made a better choice for her new boyfriend. Barry. What a perfect name. I can only hope that Mandy resurfaces and kills him, but not before she and Jack have an argument:

J: He's mine!

M: Maybe, but you don't have to live down that song every day of your life. My name is Mandy, but I don't give without taking! Nobody sends me away!

J: You've got a point there.

B: Can't we all just talk about our feelings?

Jack and Mandy fire together. Annnnnd scene.

I'm looking forward to next week, because it looks like they might do something interesting--namely, keep Jack and Company bottled up at CTU HQ for the entire hour. That kind of confinement can make for some really good storytelling possibilities. Of course, the show pretty much ignores the limitation it's based on to begin with, but hope springs eternal. And who's going to be the character who "makes the ultimate sacrifice," or whatever the frantic words were that implied some other major character is going to die?

Farewell, Tony; we hardly knew ye.


Number of times Jack says "Now!": 16
Number of times Jack says "No!": 8
Number of times a "protocol" is mentioned: 25
Number of times someone says a variation of "Go!": 18
Number of moles: 3
Approximate Body Count: 52 (plus three rats, plus one human nerve gas guinea pig, plus 11 in the mall food court (and no, not from food poisoning), plus one security camera, plus 40% of CTU)

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